Everything started in 2010. My husband and I were living in San Juan Puerto Rico. I had a job as Project Manager in a small consulting firm and I was very successful. At that time, I was a workaholic, a perfectionist and a control freak. Year 2010 started with chaos at work. It was a situation that tested me in every way possible and which I had no control of. It affected me to a point that I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t concentrate, and I was anxious and sad all the time. The stress levels were so high that one day, I lost control of my being. I couldn’t stop crying and screaming. The very next day, I found myself at a Psychiatrist office. She said to me, you cannot go back to work because you have “Major Recurrent Depression”, and she prescribed all the pills that you could possibly imagine. After that day, my life changed FOREVER.
Depression hurts, it hurts you and it hurts everyone around you. Depression is a common problem in our society and it’s not well treated or well understood. Depression is what the devil uses to make you feel worthless, hopeless and it could take anyone into darkness and even death.
After depression starts, everything goes down heel. You feel angry, resentful, lonely, in despair, you resent others, you feel guilty, ashamed, blamed, with very low self-esteem, with self-pity and you isolate yourself from the world.
My job was my “Idol” at the time. Not been able to go back to work made feel like a failure. As a result, you don’t want to see anyone; you don’t want anyone to see you. But at the same time you tend to expect too much from others especially from the ones you love. As a result of my high expectations and resentment toward them, I lost relationship with my family, with my friends, with everyone around me including my husband. I started seeking a solution in physiological treatment, in self developed businesses, in Yoga, in Spiritual Organizations, in motivational classes or conferences, etc. As a control freak, I tried to control everything in my life. I couldn’t control or solve everything, so I was frustrated and felt confused all the time. I wanted to prove myself and others that I could get out of the pit all by myself. I expected myself to be perfect and others to be perfect too. That perfectionism was putting too much pressure in me and in others. As a result of all this wrong thoughts, attitudes and habits, we lost our house, our money, I almost lost our marriage and even my life.
In January 2013, my husband found a job in VA, he accepted the job and he decided to move to VA by himself without giving me any assurance that we will be back together again. We basically got separated with divorce in mind.
In February 2013, I felt hopeless. I had lost my job, my professional career, my dream house, friends, money, family, and my marriage. In my eyes, I lost everything. I was in the bottom of the pit. One day, I went to Church. I remember it was a week day; I just left my mom in the beauty salon. The Church was opened and empty. No one was there. I kneeled in front of the altar, I was in front of Jesus in the Cross and I said something like this “Lord, I don’t know what to do anymore. I’ve tried everything and I’ve lost everything. I give you control of my life; I don’t want to do anything anymore. You take control; you tell me what to do.” While I was praying, I heard someone in the back praying out loud. I stopped praying to listen to the prayer. This person was praying for me. I listened to his prayer and patiently wait until he finished. I stood up and faced the person to say thank you. It was a gentleman and he started giving me specific instructions. He said something like this “Have you heard about the Rosary of Mercy”. I said no, I haven’t heard about it before. He said “It’s about recognizing that Jesus Christ died for us and about asking for his mercy”. I’ll teach you the rosary, it is simple but powerful. When you do it, do it remembering what the Lord Jesus did for you in the Cross. Do you have 10 to 15 minutes available so we can do the rosary together? I said “Yes, of course”. During those 15 minutes we prayed for Jesus’ Mercy. After that, he said “Do this for 9 days” and you will see results. I thanked him and he walked away and vanished. I honestly believe that he was an angel sent by God to give me specific instructions on how to start his journey, the journey of Salvation.
Everything started with submission to the Lord. That day I surrendered to God, he responded immediately. The changes in me and in my life have been miraculous since then. I have told you about the pit, how it feels been in the pit but now I will tell you about how to get out of the pit and stay away from it through Jesus Christ. Now, I will share with you what I call “The Recipe of Jesus”.
During this time I was living with my parents. One day, I was with my Dad and he said “I think this book is yours”. When I opened the book, there was a note from a high school friend who learned about my situation and sent me the book a year before. The book is titled “The Battlefield of the Mind” by Joyce Meyer. A couple of minutes after that, my dad said to me again “I think this DVD is yours”. A friend of mine from college sent it to me in the summer of 2012 and I have forgotten all about it. The name of the DVD is “The Battlefield of the Mind” by Joyce Meyer. I was like “you’ve got to be kidding me”, two friends who don’t know each other sent me the same thing and I forgot about it. This is no coincidence, God wants me to read the book and watch the DVD. It was a clear message. So while I was praying God for mercy every night, I was also reading The Battlefield of the Mind during the day. I couldn’t stop reading it. Everything I read it felt like it was written for me. It was God answering every single question that I had in my mind, and guiding me with the answers. That book opened my eyes to the Truth of Jesus Christ. First thing he taught me was: forgive others, forgive yourself, expect only from me, replace doubt with faith in me, you don’t have to be perfect, in failures I am there to hold you and bring you closer to me, do not worry but believe that I’m working in your situation no matter what you feel and let me be your only God. In your weaknesses, I will be your strength.
Once, I was done with the Book I started watching the DVD. Everything made sense! During this process I was able to forgive myself, my husband and others. My attitude, my emotions and my way of thinking was changing for good. I had a sense of joy and peace that I never felt before. I felt loved, joy, peace in abundance to the extent that everyone was surprised with my sudden change. At the beginning of March 2013 I had an appointment with my Psychiatrist. When he saw me he couldn’t recognize me, he even asked “who are you?” I told him what had happened and he said “you no longer need medication”. So, he discontinued all the pills I was taking, but one for medical reasons. I said to him “ok, that works for me”. Two weeks after that appointment, I felt deep in my heart that I didn’t need any medication. I felt cured, I was completely healed and convinced that I have found the ultimate medicine; the one that will last forever and that was “Jesus Christ” in my life. After my submission to God that day in February, he showed me the way, the light which is “Jesus”. I was led by GOD, and I wanted to be obedient to his guidance.
I learned about Joyce Mayer conference in Orlando, FL and I knew GOD wanted me there. So in March 16th, 2013 I attended the Joyce Mayer conference. The very first night of the conference, I received Salvation. I accepted Jesus as my savior, I repented from my sins and I received Salvation by the grace of God. Therefore, three key ingredients in the “The Recipe of Jesus” are submission, which leads to salvation and obedience. I started reading the Bible every day. My best friends joined me at the Joyce Meyer conference and they also felt the need to follow and have Jesus in their lives. Right after that weekend full of wonderful and life changing events, we decided to create a Prayer Group and read the Bible every day.
We decided to get together every Tuesday at 9:30 PM to pray. During our prayer time, we share teachings, Bible scriptures, Worship songs and pray for each other. So this adds two important ingredients to “The Recipe of Jesus” which are: Reading the Bible and Praying. I was praying daily every morning and reading the Bible. During all this time, my marriage was in very bad shape. My husband only wanted to talk to me once a week for a very short period of time. He was angry with me; he was confused and was in despair. I started sending him Bible verses by text and by email and one day he exploded saying that he didn’t want to receive them anymore. I said to the Lord “you saved me, you healed me and now you can heal my husband and restore my marriage”. So I decided to do what Jesus said in Mathew 5:39 “But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn him the other also.” So I decided to be humble, gentle, kind, loving and forgiving with my husband even though he wasn’t that way with me at that time. I told him all my wrong doings and I asked him for forgiveness. I was fighting evil with the fruit of the Spirit. In Galatians 5:22-23 Paul says: “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, long suffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law.” Those are the other key ingredients in the “The Recipe of Jesus”.
In May 2013, it was our 9th wedding anniversary. I asked my husband if it was ok with him to visit him over Memorial weekend. He said “Yes”. I said are you sure and he said “I’m sure”. It was an answered prayer, because after all this time of trouble he agreed to see me. The Love that God placed in my heart was giving fruit. After a long weekend together, our reconciliation and healing process started. GOD gave me wisdom to say what needed to be said, to listen and to stay quiet in the moment I needed the most. I prayed at all times asking to be filled with the Holy Spirit.
In summer 2013, my husband had health issues and needed surgery. He didn’t want me there but I said “I will be there for you no matter what”. So I decided to serve my husband, to comfort and to encourage him with my presence in this time of need. At night, I will pray and worship the Lord listening and singing his songs. Worshiping kept my faith up high, kept me in peace and gave me joy. At the end of the summer, I decided to move to Virginia and stay with my husband to show him how much I loved him. In August 15th, 2013 he went through surgery. God was there to heal him from inside out, to heal his wound, to heal his heart. GOD not only healed him and helped him quickly recuperate from surgery, he also restored our marriage!!
Today, we both have received Salvation through Jesus Christ! The results have been amazing:
1. I was healed!
2. My husband was healed!
3. Our marriage has been restored and we have a home!
4. We both have our jobs back.
5. My friends and I have the prayer group.
6. Relationships have been restored!
7. God gave us everything back and much much more!!!
8. The best of all, I now have an intimate relationship with Jesus!!
That’s the best thing that has happened in our lives. We will continue growing, learning, worshiping, loving and serving him for the rest of our lives. He our Purpose!
So I highly recommend you to Forgive, to Expect ONLY from God, to Surrender the Control of Your Life to Him, Make him your ONE and ONLY GOD, Believe in HIM, Pray without Ceasing, Read the Bible, Worship him and Serve others with Love.
Build a strong intimate relationship with the Lord, with Jesus and he will guide you and hold you every step of the way.
God Bless you!
Love,
Mili Santiago
